And the gender is
by cgaussie
Summary: What happens when an Irken turns 150? Read on and find out! It's FUNNEH! It pokes fun at puberty!! Chapter Two is up!
1. Who be He 'n She?

And the gender is…  
Written by: Cartman's Girl!  
  
Notes: Oh I am insane. So very insane. Enjoy! I know it's a short chapter, but more to come.   
  
--  
  
150 years old. An age every Irken in the known universe dreads, yet looks forward to. This is a big birth date. Sure, not as impressive as 200, better then 100, but still important. Yep, for any Irken turning 150 years old was a big thing. VERY big. You're probably wondering why it's so big eh? No they don't explode into millions of slimy pieces, or suddenly split in two; one good one bad. No no no, it's something much more important. You're now waiting for me to stop rambling so you can find out what's so important, aren't you? Heh heh. I love being a writer. Go on fools, keep reading! …oh wait, come back! Okay, I'll tell you.  
  
Having your body finally fulfil itself into it's proper sex is always a big thing. Yep. Once an Irken turns 150 they know their sex for sure. Oh of course, they can make educated guesses! Who wouldn't? If your voice was high-pitched and you had purple eyes you were automatically deemed female in society. Male with deep red/fuchsia you might be considered male if lucky. Some just didn't take on a phantom sexuality. Some were just 'hir' or 'sie' or 'it'. Whatever. They don't matter, they're boring.  
  
But both Tallest? Well, of course they were guys. It was obvious from the get go they were boys. Their bickering, fighting, complaining, all pointed to males. Though everyone questioned Purple about 'his' choice. They always ended up flying through an air lock. So no one questioned the purple clad leader anymore. Though now, both Tallest were watching the clocks in their personal quarters.  
  
Their birth date time was approaching rapidly, a couple mere minutes to go until their bodies would quickly painlessly morph into the desired sex. Purple tapped his slender fingers together. Ooo please be male, please be male. Red was doing the exact same thing, antennae twitching. Now, Irken's reproductive organs, just to be fair and be easier to write then bizarre organs (hey I'm lazy, what can I say?) are similar to those of humans. Sure, the female's parts were able to open up more and resembled a fleshy flower then what it really was; and the males were allocated a segmented member able to unravel and probably wrap itself around the guy's arm if it wanted; but they were similar none the same.  
  
Bet yer droolin' for Tallest sex now eh? Heh, too bad! It won't come! NEVER! NEVER! ..well you could find a Tallest slash fic of course but eh.  
  
The clocks ticked down, and that was it. In a blinking of a red or purple eye, it was done. Oh the silence coming from both quarters. Purple took a shallow gulp, before reaching down to pull at his robe a bit to have a peek if he had been given the fleshy flower or tentacle-like member.  
  
~*~  
  
"HAH!" Purple hovered out from his quarters, grinning from antennae to antennae. Oh you could not believe the bliss he was radiating! You could fry a marshmallow on the beams! He was male. Male male MALE! After all the jaunts and jeers about being a female because of his high-pitched voice, it was now clear. He was male and that's how he was going to remain for the rest of his thousand or so year life. "Hah hah Red!" he pointed to the door opposite him, "You said I'd become a girl! You owe me a planet of cheesy fries." He folded his arms, nodding.  
  
"Yeah yeah whatever…" came the muttered reply as the door automatically slid open. Red hung in the shadows for a moment before hovering out. Red was thus met with a wide-eyed, slack jawed Purple. "Oh shut up." Red twitched an eye, the sudden newly spurted lashes twitching along. Red… was female? Whoa, who didn't see that one coming!  
  
"You're… a girl?" Purple finally asked, after pulling his jaw back up off the floor.  
  
"Yes. But say any pathetic joke around me an I'll make you wish you never morphed." Red snarled. Her threat fell on deaf antennae, Purple erupted into laughter. Oh how he laughed. Tears streamed down his face. Red was a female! A FEMALE! Everyone thought Red was a guy, but now, oh the tables were turned! Purple would have continued laughing for a while longer if Red hadn't suddenly smashed his face in with her arm guard.  
  
[To be CONTINUED! Oh the drama]


	2. Whizzers 'n Clickers

And the Gender Is…  
Chapter Two  
Written by: Cartman's Girl  
  
Notes: Whoa, I never thought I'd get so many comments on ONE chapter in such a short span of time! And Lina (sp?), I am going to include She-Zim. It had been planned long before you even brought it up. Mwa-ha-ha. But she's gonna be in another chapter I'm afraid so you're all going to have to wait for that. Now, back with the Tallest.  
  
~*~  
  
"Is there any major differences?" Purple asked, since the day had began the two had went back to their normal duties. Sure, they now possessed highly important reproductive organs but that didn't mean they got the day off. Red smacked her lips together, finishing off a can of drink.  
  
"Well, I got a hole now so that's pretty weird." She shrugged, before preening one of her long antennae. "How about you?" Red glanced at Purple. The two had the 150 year old talk ages ago back when they were smeet's, so neither remembered the diagrams that well.  
  
"I got a… um… I don't really know how to explain it." Purple glanced downwards at himself, "Seems to have a mind of its own though."  
  
"Yeah, why's that?" Red asked, leaning over to have a look at Purple's crotch in case it'd start singing and dancing or something. Purple blushed at this, crossing his legs.  
  
"I don't know. It just does…" Purple grumbled, folding his arms and looking away. Red tilted her head to the side, before moving one of his legs with her arms to have another look. Oooh, she can see something!  
  
"Hey I see it!"  
  
"GAH!" Purple smacked Red's hands away as she was about to suddenly poke at it. He stood up, hovering away slightly. "Don't do that!" he whined pathetically, now both hands down over himself.  
  
"Aw why? I'll show you mine if you show me yours!" Red grinned, antennae wiggling. Purple stared blankly for a while.  
  
"…really?" he asked, that suddenly sparking something in the depths of his Tallest brain.  
  
"Well why not? It's only fair right?" now note how the Communications Officers are trying to look really busy right now. Poor fools, they don't know which way to look without blushing brightly. Purple didn't look that much different either, now that we bring it up.  
  
"Um… no… not right now…" Purple mumbled.  
  
"Aw, but the thing wants to, look!" Red pointed, surely enough… Purple screamed hysterically and hovered quickly from the room. Red blinked, sliding back down into her seat and hanging her legs over it how she always used to.  
  
"Huh, dunno what his problem is." She muttered, sipping her drink again.

~*~  
  
"So, what is it??" Purple whined to one of his Advisors, one who was 160 years old mind. His name being Marv - raised an eye ridge.  
  
"The action or the appendage?" he asked.  
  
"BOTH!"  
  
"All right my Tallest, calm down… it's just a natural reaction your new member will do whenever it's aroused. The member's called a whizzer, by the way." Marv replied slowly, his green eyes remaining steady. Ugh, why did he have to be the one to explain this thing to the Tallest?  
  
"A whizzer? Huh… all right… but why does it always react when I'm not aroused?" Purple tilted his head to the side, "I mean, it… does things when I'm talking to every day Irken's and stuff!" oh it'll take some time to be able to control his whizzer that's for sure.  
  
"It's just flexing itself my Tallest. It'll do that from time to time, nothing to be alarmed about. It's called ridgeness." Poor Marv, it was hard trying to keep the sweat from dripping down his forehead. He knows Purple will probably ask what he's meant to do with it soon…  
  
"But what am I meant to do with it?" hah Marv! "I mean… how can I stop it being so… ridgy?" Purple was just full of questions today wasn't he?  
  
"You can't, in public I mean." Marv replied. Purple's antennae tilted, he looked confused. "There is a way to relax it, my Tallest. But you can only do that when you are alone and know you will not be interrupted by anyone." Purple nodded, narrowing an eye and stroking his chin. Or whatever it was.  
  
"I see… and what do I do?" Marv couldn't help it. He sweats. Bad. Then he leant up, since he was only a head shorter then Tallest Purple, and whispered into his antennae. Purples eyes widened as the Advisor explained, before paling. "Eeeewwwwww!" he whined.  
  
"I know it sounds disturbing my Tallest, but to release the pressure is a great relief. Believe you me." Marv replied gently.  
  
"So… that's like… if I was… doing stuff with a female?" Purple asked.  
  
"Exactly. The sensation is similar to when you put your whizzer into the female's clicker."  
  
"Clicker, is that what Red's is called? She just said it's a hole." Purple said, antennae flattening against his head. Purple please, stop with the questions!  
  
"It is a hole my Tallest… a very sensitive hole. But, I don't think you need to know how that works." Marv replied. "It's too ICKY."  
  
"Well if it's too icky… okay, thanks Marv. You were a BIG help." Purple grinned, before hovering off again leaving Marv to wash up his stinky sweat. Ew.  
  
[To be continued, again!]


End file.
